Why I Decided to Delete the Dating Apps?
Historically, I have been a relationship girlie. I've been in relationships more than I've been single. A lot of that is rooted in my trauma of not feeling wanted and desiring the feeling that someone in the world wanted me. The joy of being affirmed, quality time, and being chosen as someone's partner.
As I ventured into life as a single woman, I still yearned for my partner. I thought I have a career, a family, and friends. Where's my partner? So, I turned to dating apps instead of turning to the Holy Spirit to guide me. But you all know the flesh wants what the flesh wants! And I wanted my man, my man, my man. So yes, I received lots of attention on the apps, but nothing came of the conversations. I was honestly getting frustrated. In my frustration, I called my sister one day, and she said, "Why don't you turn to God and let him lead you?" At the moment, I was annoyed like a girl! Be for real; you have a husband lol that's easy for you to say.
This post is not to shame dating apps. It wasn't the app. It was me making an idol out of relationships and becoming a wife. The dating apps were just the vessel I used to enhance this desire further. I had made an idol out of finding a husband as Exodus 20:3 states, "You shall have no other Gods before me." My time was consumed with it. I'm checking the apps and wondering if this guy is the one. His profile looks nice. This may be it. And I was left feeling frustrated, impatient, anxious, and unfulfilled. Almost like me saying, "God, I do not trust you; I have little faith that what you said will come to pass." So, just in case you are not listening, God, I'll take care of it because I want it now. I was putting dating into my own hands.
But in the days to come, as I pondered on it, I realized God is calling me into a more significant relationship with him. The ultimate relationship that mattered the most was my relationship with the creator, which I had taken for granted and honestly neglected. I had spent so much time and effort in relationships and pursuing a partner I felt so convicted. In my conviction, I knew if I wanted a new thing, I needed to make a change. The following day, I woke up and deleted all my dating profiles. Did I have a bit of anxiety? Absolutely! The dating apps are the new wave of dating. And the control I felt I had over my own love life I was relinquishing to God. This was how I surrendered this idol that had found its way into my heart. But as I listened to the With the Perrys podcast episode A Conversation on Sex, Dating, and Beauty with The Azonwus, Jackie stated, "You could look a hot mess at 6:45 in the morning at Dunkin Donuts and if God wants you to be married devils, demons, ugly ain't going to keep you from your husband."
So, I'm so grateful for this opportunity to dive deeper into the Word, deeper into my prayer life, and with an ear tuned to the Holy Spirit regarding dating. I'm excited to share with you all more as I walk this journey with the Lord. Be encouraged. The peace I feel of not being on those apps is so good! Now, if the Holy Spirit leads me back, I will listen, but in this season, I know it's not where I need to be.
Psalms 37: 3-5
3.Trust in the Lord and do good 4. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this
Love ya'll keep shining.